Reality check served with a little raw feeling minus the shameSo you think you want to do missions? Maybe you have been inspired by a short term trip experience or really love to help people. (Its raw but if you keep reading I promise it gets better ;)
Let me ask you this- Do you also really love to have your heart broken? Do you love to have the fragments stomped on often? Or maybe you really love to be face to face with the world's hurt and feel guilty for everything you have or a lot of times what you don't. The feeling of broken and poured out is exactly that- things do not break open by a gentle breeze or a butterfly kiss. Breaking open to pour out means there might be some jagged edges or scarring. There might even be some aftershock like quakes that tear up what is left. I think so often we beautify missions and we glorify it in ways that make us look good and look heart happy. The reality is we all have things we are dealing with under the surface of that smile. Chances are they are just waiting to boil over and bubble out leaving us in a pile of mess. Our pictures are full of joy, yes, but also unspeakable heartache. Being a missionary has its moments, the ones where I have played and loved on some pretty incredible kids while sharing the love of Christ with them. Or the time I was serving at a malnutrition clinic and twelve toddlers escaped their care simply because I was holding one and they were just tall enough to reach the door handle. Those moments are near and dear to my heart and bring a smile to my face. There are other moments though- visiting a home for dying and destitute people where I sat with them and offered massages and a hug. So many older women dying in these beds, with no morphine to ease their suffering. As the bell rang and I had one more massage to give out to complete the task so everyone had received, I quickly rushed to the feet of a woman to hurry and be done. Thank God Holy Spirit prompted me to smile at her face and it was then that I realized this was no woman at all, just a girl. I placed myself on the side of her bed and began talking to her. She was afraid to die. She was sad to be dying alone. She had no momma to hold her close and no papa to tell her how strong she was. She had no family at all and only seventeen years of life experience. I could imagine she was vibrantly full of joy and spirit before she became sick with tuberculousis. And now she was withered, the life gone from her long boney limbs. She was caving in before my very eyes and there was nothing I could do. I did do one thing though, I held her hand and looked into her eyes and offered all that I have left of my own broken, fragmented heart. I gave her everything she needed because I already have it- I asked her if she knows Jesus. I told her he will be the reason she does not die alone. I told her God is the good Daddy who will carry her home and she will no longer suffer but be in an eternal embrace of love and affection. She was so ready to pray with me for the love of God to wash her sin away and accept a new life. My heart lost another piece of itself that day. Maybe we become this way because it is when we lose all the pieces to our puzzled hearts that we truly find our lives. I trust my pieces to the Puzzlemaker so He can make the puzzle more complete. I entrusted this precious one right into His care because I can do nothing to change her circumstance but He can. Those hard moments are also near and dear to my heart but come with a price. The whole first year working with those precious kiddos and learning the reality of what they face and what orphanages here are about- came with joy and so much pain. Then there are the inbetweens- you know, everything that makes up the majority of our time. There are the other missionaries who love to judge whether or not your posts are up to their standards. Or there are the ones you serve who have formed opinions while trying to survive and maybe want to try to squeeze you for as much as they can even if its hurts. There are those back home who need to know what you're doing but the weight of doing it tastefully, so as not to leave a bad impression of your life, brings you down. And even when you think you're doing it right someone lets you know its still wrong. Aside from those realities- the social interaction is just enough on whatever social network you now reside in virtually to keep you from banging your head on the wall. The loneliness is strangling. And the times you long for that coffee chat with your best friend but avoid socializing because you are processing a lot internally. For awhile we operated in so much fear of posting anything- we were afraid of the judgements of fellow missionaries. We were afraid of misrepresenting the country we serve. We were afraid of deterring people from wanting to come visit (especially those closest to us) but it does not matter how you paint the picture- if it is important to them they will make it happen even if its all done in crayon and goes outside the lines. So many painful realities we face daily. So much negativity in this world and we chose to succumb to fear. We are no longer standing by idly while opinions are thrown at us. We will portray things the way we perceive them and we will not feel guilty for it. We will fight against the guilt we have of having a home with a roof and food to eat and work harder to provide opportunities for those who don't. We will continue to bring Jesus wherever we go and equip whoever we can with the Good News so they too can can fight their battles. And you know how we are going to accomplish all of this? We are going to praise and worship and bow down to The One who fights our battles for us. Now that we are past all the tough stuff we have been bottling up for a long, long time lets move forward. There is beauty wherever we go here. And in the midst of so much pain and brokenness we do find our lives and our joy. But it is only possible with God. We do not have our funding yet but also know that every need we have is being met. God has been providing a way for all of them as they arise. We recently gave out a microloan that will become a savings account for a woman we love dearly here. We truly did not have the money to give but we will make it work so she and her family can continue to live in their home. We will make it work and skim on our own groceries for a family that stays together. And we will work toward her having the money in an account to be able to pay for her next emergency- empowering her to use her own earned funds to cover costs and building her self confidence and making an example for her children. This is the passion and the heartache that drives us here. There is pain in various forms but as we learn to walk things out in faith instead of fear we are able to overcome. We are learning to be truly satisfied by a Holy God. To trust Him with all our needs (physical, emotional, mental, & spiritual) and the needs of those around us. When I talked about feeling guilty for what you have and what you don't, I simply meant its hard to live in a third world country surrounded by people with nothing and have things they don't. Its even harder to live in a third world country surrounded by people who have nothing and need money or food or a job when you do not have the funding or the means to meet their needs. As our time here continues I continue to trust God for all our needs but especially laying down their needs too. He is always in control.
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"Hope is symbolized in Christian iconography by an anchor. And what does an anchor do? It keeps the ship on course when wind and waves rage against it. But the anchor of hope is sunk in Heaven, not on earth." Gregory Floyd, a Grief UnveiledIts time for me write but to be honest the words are a little hard to find right now. As many of you know our new house fell through two days before we came back to Haiti. With it- the plans we had mapped out for the year revolving around this idea of a community center. We had so beautifully prepared the soil for what was to come- a building in the area we already know so well and centered around the kids we spent a year getting to know so deeply. You might be confused about why ALL the plans are subject to change, after all it was just the space falling through, right?
Currently with only our moto (motorcycle) as means of transportation we are slowed down on the house hunting as it has been raining and causing these back dirt roads to be thick with mud. Mud is no problem in a truck but on the moto it presents a slippery sort of mucky danger. We found one house suitable for the dream we had in this area however it was double our price range and the yard still did not have the accommodations for the various types of trainings we wanted to hold. The original property had about two acres of grass and trees to create space for others to come and participate in bible studies, medical clinics, job skills trainings, after school programs, and much more. Knowing that our current home area is possibly not an option we began looking to other towns and saw a couple houses that just do not match our needs. I appreciate those of you who encouraged us before we left. For others who felt the burden with us and were pushed to pray. And for the rest who felt the disappointment with us and just held our hearts with tenderness. We were severely discouraged as God had shaped this vision Himself and revealed so much to us the last year, and within one minute it was all gone. We questioned what He was doing. We really were not even sure we were supposed to stay in Haiti after that but seemed to have a deep gut feeling the best is yet to come. "It definitely gets harder before it gets easier. But it will definitely get better--if you don't give up when its hardest. 'So lets not allow ourselves to get fatigued at doing good. At the right time we will harvest a crop if we don't give up, or quit' (Gal 6:9 MSG)". This excerpt is from the book "The Broken Way" by Ann Voskamp. So in the not-knowing we trust. We still do not have the answers or a secure location but we still praise God for what He is doing. We trust His plans are bigger and infinitely better. Are we still bummed? Of course. Does this mean we quit? Absolutely not- we are ready to harvest what we have been preparing this soil for- and what rich fertile soil it is! We will continue pursuing the ones the Lord has placed directly around us from the precious ones at the children's home and their neighbors to the neighbors on our own street. Is that not faith? Even in less than optimal circumstances we are still called to trust and to choose peace. Last year's faith looked different- we had no idea what the year would hold but had mostly secure details. This year we will not lose heart over missing details. We realize God will bring the perfect circumstance to us for the ministry He has chosen. We are in contact with a couple ministries here in Haiti and realizing we are not opposed to working full time with those who have the wisdom and experience we need to solicit to navigate this island. We write about this part of our journey to encourage you who are in a similar season where the details are unknown or what was mapped out dissipates. We encourage you to press into the ALL-KNOWING God who is not surprised or overwhelmed by your situation, He brings peace to your circumstance. We write to offer this knowledge that you are not alone on your journey. At times we all face the unknown. At times we all face the concrete becoming abstract. Everything here on earth is subject to change which makes it all the more important to press in to God as our constant. We began our journey last year with HOPE. The Lord showing me my hope was in the wrong place- it needs to be anchored to Him. If you're unsure- anchor yourself to Him. If you're disappointed- praise Him anyway. If you're discouraged- pray to Him. If you feel alone- reach out for prayer. I know this is sometimes the hardest part but this is why we write. We want to show you our vulnerability so the Lord may get all the glory. He is made strong in our weakness. If you are unsure if the best is yet to come- Abide in Him and I promise you it will! Abide in Love sweet friends Woah. I am almost speechless about the last year. Yesterday marked ONE YEAR since we arrived to the country we now call home. One year of mostly learning, one year of acquiring language, one year of adjusting to lifestyle differences and culture shock. One whole year of trying to process all the new things and the failed expectations.
It was a good year- but it was tough. We both have so many thoughts and things to process from the year still but its coming. On the way home, I said to Alex, "We will never be the same." And we won't. In some ways its hard but there is so much beauty in transition. There is beauty in letting go of what was and letting transformation happen. Through this process we have been refined and we have grown. Butterflies don't just happen but instead they must endure a complete change within themselves and emerge something completely different. Meaning transformation is the beauty of the trials of transition. We have had to let go of simple comforts like air conditioning, normal amounts of power, hot showers, and learn to find comfort in the ultimate Comforter. Some of the things we dealt with were so minuscule (not flushing toilet paper or clothes air drying) and then some were truly difficult (watching a grandmother drink some sort of voodoo powder and proceed to beat her grandchild). We are challenged daily to completely rely on God for provision and for solutions. We are not a solution to Haiti (Haiti does not need a solution), we are not a solution to the "Orphan Crisis" (which really points to POVERTY issues), we are simply not a solution...[KEEP READING] However, we are happy to let Jesus be the solution. We have realized we cannot move the mountains ourselves but we know The One who can. We moved to Haiti a year ago to teach others to ABIDE IN LOVE, and although this year will look very different in how that happens we still feel God's calling to continue on in our mission. I want to encourage you Dear Readers, to continue to Abide in the one who will bring you through whatever challenges you face, whatever heartache that breaks you. This is our heart, for those we encounter to ABIDE. Stay tuned for big changes coming our way and to see how the Lord continues to move through us in Haiti. We will continue to be obedient to what He asks of us while we continue to trust and rely on Him. THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO SUPPORTED US THIS PAST YEAR! We couldn't have done this without all of you <3 With the exception of last year’s momma’s heart bursting forth putting words to a blog post full of a new song... Mother’s Day usually carries a sour taste like the bad twang of a busted guitar for me. Last year I was exuberantly expecting this grand, fluffy dream of family style meals every day and all the things that go with what expectant mothers expect. And the reality is so vastly different than what I imagined in some good ways and in some bad. I am learning that other cultures just do things differently and I need to respect the differences. Also I am learning that sometimes things change and are completely out of your control. But that’s a little beside the point the point just yet.
Even though Mother’s Day is challenging for me- I typically still get to celebrate my own wonderful mom in some form. But yesterday was different and the absence of that small moment where I honor her in person made me sad and I know it made her sad too (which in turn makes me more sad 😔) We didn’t just leave behind a whole bunch of physical luxuries and conveniences when we came here—we left behind a slew of moments and opportunities and hearts; beating hearts of the ones we love and miss. We left our chance to be involved in birthday parties and celebrations of various milestones. We left behind so much more than we even realized. And then stepped into a life where you feel guilty all of the time for whatever you do- charging your phone or when it rains because you aren’t getting wet but your neighbors might be, or taking Robenson to the beach because he did so great on his exams but knowing his dad is out there missing him but currently unable to care for him. We feel guilt for so many things and it’s something I have never had to experience before- we live with so little compared to what we had back home but it’s so much compared to nothing at all. Anyway, I avoided social media yesterday because I saw so many of you celebrating the two things my heart longs for right now: my own mom and my own children. I did my honorary mom post because my mom is my superhero but I had so much more on my heart. I am thankful for those who reached out and encouraged me. Though it seems small and insignificant—it matters and makes a huge difference. To know we are not here alone means the world to us and helps all the hard things here seem not so lonely. A lot of missionaries here leave every three months for some sort of break and we now see why!! Things just start to get to you- right into your heart and your mind. I also know the Lord calls us out of suffering and into abundance. We are praying and expecting abundance in our next year. We realize there is a stigma that missionaries have to suffer (we put this on ourselves) and have to miss out on things like a working fridge or a regular bed but we realize missionaries suffer enough. We are face to face every day with the effects sin has and face to face with different dangers and corruption that we cannot even begin to explain to you in a blog because the depths go too deep. We face all sorts of unknowns and misunderstandings, all the while sweating our behinds off and getting eaten alive by mosquitoes!! We are starting to grapple with the realization that we need to invest into ourselves and our wellbeing. We are amping up our prayer life and taking time out of each day to pour into ourselves and our marriage. Please be in prayer for us as we learn to flourish here. Our goal is not to barely make it but to FLOURISH and for the flourish to become contagious to those around us. We are preparing for a trip home at the end of June to do more fundraising and would love to share with you (in person!) what the Lord has done and is doing here. We would love to share with you new visions He has laid on our hearts and all that we have learned. We are excited to be on American soil and have some of what is convenient- warm showers, power all the time, internet that actually works, refrigerators, coffee makers, fast food, COFFEE SHOPS, and creamer that goes in the fridge! Plus a million other things 😂 We ask that you consider partnering with our vision here financially and in prayer! We couldn’t have done all the things we have been able to without people like you back home ♥️ we could also use prayer as we navigate upcoming decisions about the second year and what it will look like- I can tell you it will be quite different. IF YOU HAVE MADE IT THIS FAR INTO THE BLOG... let me lighten your gaze with a picture of Robenson soaking up the view of the beach because he earned a beach day! He worked really hard and received an 8 out 9 on his exam! This is the highest any of our kids have done and we encouraged them all with the promise of beach day but Robenson was the only one who arose to the challenge. We are definitely proud of his efforts and see so much potential in him- today was his 16th birthday and we celebrated him well ♥️ Thanks to you guys back home for providing us with the financial means to do these things. Be blessed friends & as always, Abide in Love ”you must be wIlling to leave the life that you planned in order to find the one waiting for you” -Joseph CampbellSo here we are- almost TEN months into our journey here. Ten months of uprooting everything we knew and loved and plopping ourselves into a whole new land. Ten months of learning a language (that we still don’t really have down), ten months of no hot showers, hot temps, burning our garbage, and dealing with second hand trauma. Ten months of being tested to our core- past our limits and stretched beyond measure. Here we still stand- ten months in- learning to cope with constant guilt and overwhelming grief.
“Okay, okay already”- you must be thinking! You get it, right? Well, let’s be honest, you probably don’t quite get it but I am not asking you to. I am not writing to make you feel bad for us or to make you feel more compassion for our situation. I am learning to process and progress. I am learning to share the journey from within so I am not stuck holding on tight- trying not to lose myself, when really I need to be sharing. When we cling to our lives, we lose them but when we let go and lose it for His sake we surely will find them. (Matthew 10:39). Here goes vulnerable (GULP!) We came down here in such joyous hope. Surrendering everything we had and everything we had longed for to the Lord. We were ready for this, and believing the struggles of infertility would be completely washed away and no remnants would be left behind. I may have personally thought that I would forget the struggles altogether- the failure every month, the negative results of so many pregnancy tests, people attacking our efforts (yes people actually had some nasty things to say against our struggles *as if we had created them ourselves or known what to expect*) and the not knowing why we couldn’t do naturally what we so very badly wanted to: just to be a mom and a dad. We moved here knowing new struggles await. But for some reason not realizing in the middle of the prepping to leave and the packing, the old struggles tucked themselves inside our clothes and coffee mugs. And now we have 11 wonderful kids who we came to love and are continuing to do just that each day here; but, we also know there is a still a desire to have a child of our own. One we can’t quench. The past several days I have read various infertility journeys containing a vast range of success stories and talking about God’s goodness but I don’t know that there are enough of us writing, crying out really, about the Goodness of God in the midst of our mess. That sometimes it’s just so easy to forget to share the struggles; however, when we get our breakthrough or cross that finish line or the prayer is answered the way we wanted, we find it so easy to get up and shout it to the mountains. So now, ten months in to our time here in Haiti, and almost 60 months in to our struggles of infertility— I can look around and see hardship but tell you endless stories of the abounding love of Christ. I can write you poem after poem about His limitless favor and grace so heavy it crushes and envelopes me. My womb is still barren and sometimes my heart aches but I know that I am loved to my core and I am here for such a time as this. We don’t see the fruits of our labor often here, my kids know we are here to love them but they still test the limits of just how far this love for them will reach and some days it’s hard to bear. Its hard to be here making friends of strangers and missing community back home. To feel lonliness so weighty it crushes your windpipes. God has done abundant goodness in providing connections and new friends when it was almost too much for us. Yes dear readers- He is so faithful and so Good to us in the answered prayers. But in the unanswered prayers He is the same God. He is good while my heartbeats to hold a baby I call my own. When my tears wallow me up- I realize I find my comfort in His embrace. I can’t explain it more than at the pit of my soul, I know I will be ok. When my flesh wants to give in and give up- I know, that I know my God is holding my hand, kissing my forehead and encouraging me forward. And lastly when I have lost all control- I know that I don’t have to cling to myself, I won’t slip away because of my inability to hold on... I will stay grounded because I am HELD. Held so tightly I can almost tangibly feel it. I pray for you right now dear friend, that you feel this security too. This immeasurable Love that is lavished on you- I pray you feel it in the mess. I pray you reach out when you need to and I pray when you can’t, you find comfort in the best Daddy there ever was. I pray you Abide, much love- Kristen ♥️ “I feel that there is nothing truly more artistic than to love people” -Van gogHRemember this picture? A year ago yesterday we announced to social media land that we were getting ready to move to Haiti and love on some amazing kids! Each pair of shoes represents a child in our care- pictured here are 12. Shortly after arriving we had learned there were only going to be eleven kiddos for us because one little boy was placed back with his mom. This might be confusing to some of you thinking, “wait a minute 🤔 how does an orphan boy get placed back with his mom?” Thus leading us to examine what Alex and I have been learning about here in Haiti for the past eight months. Looking back on my Facebook post I felt a little sad yesterday. I felt sad that in the posts Alex and I shared we were moved by this great notion that we would come here to be a mom and a dad to “kids who had none.” That after four years of infertility struggles we would finally feel the joys of parenting and having kids of our own. We would get to fill the emptiness that infertility had left and in turn be a mom and a dad to these kids who “have none”. We had hoped and expected to be broken pieces of the same whole- completing each other. We moved here thinking the kids did not have suitable families to care for them or to love them enough. Within the first couple months I realized I am no one to question how much love people can have for their families or their children. We learned a lot about our kids in a matter of a few months and realized that we cannot possibly be parents to kids who HAVE parents and miss them. We had already been interacting with one mom in particular and realizing the struggles she faced with her child. Soon I will share her story ♥️ The truth about the majority of our kids is that they are POVERTY ORPHANS. It is a sad truth. Poverty should not create orphans. These are parents that felt at the time they gave up their child that they had no fighting chance for them. These are loving people who wanted to give the best opportunity they possibly could to their little loves. They put aside their own emotions to try to give their child the best they could think of- not realizing that family is the best environment for a child to grow up into. We do have a few true orphans (mom and dad are both deceased) but the majority are orphaned by a simple lack of resources. With this knowledge in our hearts we cannot continue to seek to take the place of a mom or a dad knowing God created these families- He did not create orphans. The incredible part of this particular segment of our journey is that God continues to bless us with resources and with new connections so we can continue to be for these ELEVEN wonderful children God has put in our path. Our heart is to support families as a whole and to keep them from being broken up. We will continue to seek bringing JOY to these lives. With fun experiences, play, and laughter. We continue to bring the Word of God to them and to teach them they are LOVED. We continue to push them to do their very best in school and to have helpful hearts. And I still feel that God has blessed us for “Such a time as this” to be a spiritual mom and dad to these guys while we pray that every kid has a forever family. We are going to be looking forward at family exposure and opportunities to train the families to prepare for possible reunification’s. Knowing the struggles and effects of poverty on families we are searching out family preservation through job creation. We are praying into different skills the families have or could potentially have and working to expound on options like this. Be in prayer with us as we have not necessarily shifted our vision but have very much “refined” it. We moved here with the best interests of the kids in our hearts and God quickly revealed to us that it is family 🙌 Meet Marietta!!
This is my new friend Marietta- or Monise as we call her. She is a mom to SEVEN children!! Yep- you heard right, SEVEN! Her oldest three are not pictured here. Two of them are into their twenty’s and the other boy is eighteen years old and in ninth grade. Marietta lost her husband while he was working last August. She is now a widowed mother of seven kids. The youngest, Sarahstecie, pictured here (her first birthday was yesterday!) We met with Marietta about a month ago because she would like to give her two boys (six and seven years old) to the orphanage we are working with. She would like to give them a chance to eat three meals a day and continue their education. Situations like these are tough but we would like to support families like this one to stay together! These boys ADORE their mother and their sisters. And clearly this mom adores her children but is weighed down by the overwhelming sense that she can’t do enough for them. We have been reaching out to different missionaries here who have job creation opportunities available so she can get a job but have not found anyone hiring just yet. Another option we are exploring is giving her a micro loan while we continue to help her meet all the needs of her family through job creation. If you would like to partner with us and specifically with Marietta please email us or send us a Facebook message. There are so many ways YOU can make a difference in the lives of people here and we would love to hear from you! Thanks for taking the time to be educated on our journey here and for your continued prayers. We are thankful to be here and honored to be living in the culture of Haiti. There are so many beautiful things happening and we invite you to be a part of them. As always- Abide in Love, Kristen Bradshaw (and Alex too 😉) Remembering all God’s promises are YES & AMEN:Hello World! I realize it has been quite some time since we have updated you via website/blog post. I could spend time making excuses for the last 5 months... or I could skip to the point of this blog 😉
We are excited to fill you in on the heart shift we have had since moving here. We are blessed to have more knowledge and awareness of what we need to accomplish things and to continue being stretched by the Lord in new ways. Over the next month our website will be getting a face lift- it’s time to switch things up and time to move forward in progress as we are continuing this adventure at full speed ahead. God is always GOOD to fulfill His promises to us- YES & AMEN! He is also good to bring us through the fire and REFINE us. The last several months of adjusting have felt just like that- fire and refine. We are exploring a new desire to preserve families from being separated by poverty. We are learning much about the need of families to stay together. We are wanting to partner with families here to stay a unit and to be unbreakable. God did not create orphans- He created sons & daughters. We also realize we live in a fallen world and there are going to be some situations we cannot overcome. And we will handle those with the utmost grace and take them as they come. However our heart is to build these families up and help connect them to resources here to prevent children from ending up in institutionalized care. We want every child to have the opportunity to have a FOREVER FAMILY. So please bear with us as we change things up a bit. We will still be administrators of the children’s home we are currently overseeing (children’s home because majority of the kids are not true orphans- they have at least one living parent). We also realize we are not necessarily equipped to be administrators in the traditional sense so to clearly define our purpose here is to say we are here to LOVE on the kids! We want to ensure they are being challenged to do their best at school and we are also working to promote social/emotional health with them in their own culture. We are learning so much about Haiti and wanting so much for our kids to be successful Haitians as they grow. We are going to continue teaching them their worth and that they are indeed a BELOVED of the most high God. We want them to Abide in Love and to draw their identities from this very concept. They are precious, loved, strong, and worthy. We want to instill these concepts into the core of their being. We want to create consistency and to bring JOY!! Partner with us! Pray for us! You too can help make a difference here in Haiti. You too, can help facilitate families to stay together and not feel so desperate to give their child the best and realizing they fall short. The truth is- we all fall short, but if we could bring hope to parents here to fight for what they have... we can protect the family. Now that you’re updated- prepare to see more posts of families and their stories, prepare to have your heart broken for what breaks His, prepare to hear more from us on resources we may need or connections we are making. And we will dive deeper into the makings of this refined heart as we further the process. Thanks for your support and your prayers! Thanks for listening to my above ranting that might have been a little all over the place! We are blessed to have you as a part of our journey here. We pray you always Abide in Love ❤️ Sincerely, Kristen & Alex So in three days it will have been a month here in Haiti and today is our 7th day officially at the orphanage (also its Marie's 6th birthday today!)
We are learning a lot about this strange new place we call home now. We are also learning 11 new faces, hearts, and behaviors. As well as the hearts, faces, and expectations of the 3 women who work at the orphanage. Let me try to fill you in on what we have learned thus far: 1. Grace is what makes the world go round---> we will return to this concept later! 2. "Tilling" up dirt to make a garden in Haiti is a little more challenging but we had 13 great helpers to make our first garden possible (ALL the kids helped plus both mommies that were there that day!). 3. Haiti has worms and grubs in their dirt just like home. And just like home- three of the boys were so proud of the ones they found they decided to chase some of the girls around with them ;) 4. Rocks do not work as good as hammers, despite what our Haitians tried showing us. 5. Anytime we have a building project- we will have a back up activity (puzzles or games) to balance the chaos of too many helpers. 6. Having 11 kids on a swingset is too many (we already knew that but we didn't realize how hard it would be to tell the biggest kids no. We are working on more outdoor activities for the big kids to be able to get that gross motor energy out also). 7.When the kids move a rock and tell you they have found a crab-- its not a crab. That is what they call tarantulas. 8. When the "crab" runs out at your feet- it will be quicker than you expected. 9. Having a bible study and a time to share the highs and lows of your day will be more than you could have imagined <3 10. God's creation story is so great to share! We have started with this and it brings up lots of good discussion at night and lots of questions we have been able to ask to get to better know the kids and moms. 11. We have really only had to show the kids how to do something once and they take it over! Like watering the garden or building the pallet wall or drawing pictures for our creation story. 12. Catching a baby lizard for your youngest is HARD but its his favorite thing God created-- so you assemble a team of lizard catchers and make it fun! 13. Taking your four & five year old's to get ice cream is fun. Taking them to several stores after they have consumed all that sugar not as fun :P 14. Watching them draw their own version of the creation story after we did this as a group activity was very cool- it was unprompted and just a surprise we saw they had hung up :) 15. Sunday's make for great family movie nights! 16. Its hard when one of your girls gets an inch long piece of wood embedded in the skin under her big toe nail and you have no way to comfort her while it gets taken out because your translator just left. 17. We want so bad to learn the language! Keep praying for it sink in- I know a teensy bit. 18. Having meetings once a week will keep things running smoothly. 19. Sometimes the mommies just bless you by creating you your own comfy space at the orphanage because they want you to have somewhere to go since you don't live there <3 20. There are so many more but I will stop with this one: You are braver than you thought you could be. You are stronger than you thought possible. You are more capable than you realize. And the key is: There is ALWAYS GRACE. His GRACE is enough. In my weakness He is made strong so I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that His power may work through me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 I am not perfect and here we are trying to get things together and adjust to the heat and the bugs and the language barrier- and His grace is enough. Give each other grace- He commands it. When the traffic is backed up or things just are not working out how you planned- give it grace. When you feel like a failure or incapable of something- give yourself some GRACE. Let God work in your weakness. Doing anything less than this goes against our Gracious God. The only way to successfully be Full of Grace is to ask for it from the one who created it and is wrapped in it- God. He has an abundance of never-ending grace. Wrap yourself in Him- read your word, pray to the Lord who bends down to listen, praise Him with thankfulness, and ask Him to see things the way He does: Eyes of Grace. Hey everyone this is Alex. We wanted to give everyone a little rundown of the first couple days here in Haiti so here we go. Day 1: Got off the plane, went to a little restaurant and had some pizza for lunch, came to our new HOME and passed out for a couple hours because we didn't sleep while trying to get ready to come here, woke up hung out with the Thompson's for a bit and went back to bed. Day 2: Woke up around 8 ate breakfast with the Thompson's, went to exchange USD to GDS, dropped the girls off, Mike and I went to get propane and gas for the generator. After that Mike took me into Port au Prince and to some stores here in town where they do their shopping. Also checked out some areas by the bay where people are really roughing it. Then the moment we've been waiting for since we left here in February! It was time to go see our kids!!! Have dinner with them and let them know we are going to be around for a while. :) Within minutes it was like we never left! We ate dinner, we played basketball, we got our nails and faces painted in playdoh, we played more basketball, we kicked around a soccer ball, we danced to some music and we looked through all the pictures I had on my phone together. We got to show them everything from our house (still ours for a couple more days haha), to deer in the back yard, and all the way to snow and plowing. The day was awesome and the kids were not super sad this time when we left so they must have understood for the most part which is amazing! Day 3: We got up and ate breakfast, went shopping today at some stores and checked out some other stores with Kristen. Then we came back home ate a quick snack and headed out to Deni with the Thompson's to check on the ministry they started that has now been taken over by a Haitian Pastor. Also went to check on some kids that they helped get to hospitals to be checked out for some pretty serious stuff they had going on they were both doing well. Grabbed some SIM cards for our phones on the way home. Another great day!
Well, there is a little rundown of the first couple my friends! Hope everyone is doing well and see you soon (when you come to Haiti to visit). We are probably going to lose power any second. haha Love, The Bradshaw Its 67 degrees here in my small-town of Fenton, Michigan today. I woke up in a decently comfortable bed, to a beautiful view of trees upon trees- full of green leaves letting the light dance through right to my bedroom floor; there are 8 acres teeming with wildlife and greenery spilling out into our backyard. I drink my Starbucks coffee as I watch the sunset slowly cast itself upon the lake across the street- the light dancing to a new beat on the ripples of the water, not any less beautiful than this morning but rather a new beautiful. The cotton candy clouds drifting by so softly you can almost taste of their sweetness. I am unaware of how completely enveloped in comfort I truly am here. I sat on my wonderful couch today with my handsome hubby and relaxed and let Netflix take us on new adventures. I read in my most favorite yellow chair, I ate when I was hungry, and grabbed a bottle of water when I felt the tiniest bit of thirst. I opened the Living Word when I wanted to and felt like filling my spirit. This is one blessed life I lead...
To give all this up, to sell my lovely home, all my things, and move to Haiti. I have had many ask, "Why?!" And to tell you the truth, I am not exactly certain there is a short answer. God led us to "such a time as this". I recently read an article from Ann Voskamp to the North American Church and have to say my heart was moved. It brought a lot of things into perspective for me. The last couple months, preparing to leave, have been hard. Harder than I would have ever imagined. I have emotions popping up all over the place. Its obvious I am going to miss my family, my friends, our church, my job, and my house... but there are other things. I have been playing Wack-a-Mole to the best of my ability to suppress the obvious- but these other things trickle out in the strangest of ways; for instance, I was looking into our fairy tale backyard last week and as the fireflies lit up, the tears started. Does Haiti have fireflies? I sat at dinner and dessert with the most wonderful women and I was nearly silent the entire time because- processing the absence of these friendships and the loss of their influence in my life was all too painful to do aloud. I didn't even eat dessert-- something that is SO FAR from my nature its ridiculous. So why do I continue to push forward and give up the things that daily bring me comfort? Its because my God has gone before me. He is right ahead of me and Alex on this journey and His voice is sweeter than anything I have ever heard. He brings to mind the TWELVE sweet faces we met nearly five months ago. They have melted our hearts, infused more together than they have ever been before, but they have also melted right into the Haitian soil. Its apart of our being now in ways we cannot describe. My Daddy God stands before me, hand extended, and cheers me onward. He calls our names and declares we were made "For Such a Time as THIS." Where are you at right now? Wherever your feet are at this exact moment is where they are supposed to be. Are you feeling compelled to move them? Then add some momentum. Are you feeling a shift in the way you live? Then create some friction. Maybe you are called to stay- then add some "oomph" to your day and live it in love. You are always in the mission field. So often as "comfortable" Americans we forget we need to get passed comfort. We forget we need to get passed insecure. We need to be bold, to be vulnerable at times, to live and love RADICALLY. The realizations I have had in the last couple days are nothing to do with comfort. They are far from the Candy Land I currently live. I want to follow my Shepherd wherever He goes. This sadness I feel, its only normal. The emotions triggered are a part of the journey. Did Jesus not suffer for us on the cross? It was anything but easy and yet He stayed there out of obedience and love. I will miss each and everyone of you while we are away. I will miss my home, the lake, the land, and all the "lavish" living I have done. I am already missing my family and the ping of sadness hurts my heart when I think of it. The rawness of leaving behind the friends and church we are a part of stings and the tears well up... but I push onward. I know my Jesus is the gate for His sheep and I would know His voice anywhere. Through Him I am saved and wherever I go, through Him I will find green pastures (John 10:7-9). And when my flesh has its weakness and I succumb to the raw reality that this leaving is happening... those twelve faces bring joy bouncing back to me. This journey isn't easy because it is not supposed to be. It is about more than comfort. It is about more than enjoyment. It is about more than satisfaction. It is about LOVE SACRIFICIAL LOVE. I am learning to live passed my desires and my needs. I am learning to live in a way where I don't just open the Living Word when I feel like it or when I etch out some time from my busy schedule. Instead, I am living in a way when I put His word FIRST, His Kingdom FIRST, and without His love FIRST I am brought to my knees. Radically following Him first. From a full Spirit I will pour out, the stark contrast of an inward focus to get fullness. I encourage you family, I encourage you friends, I encourage you church, and I encourage you strangers... follow His voice no matter where your feet must go, because "Beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring Good News..." (Isaiah 52:7) You are not called to muddle through this life. You are called to LIVE IT by the grace of God. You are called to such a time as this, that means NOW. Whether you are a teacher, a nurse, a dental hygienist, waiter, grocery store clerk, retired, or what have you... YOUR TIME IS NOW! Love God first, Love others second and live your life abundantly by the grace He supplies. Do not get comfortable... get moving, get messy, get ahold of the hand that leads us along His paths. This is truly leading a blessed life. |
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AuthorKristen & Alex Bradshaw Archives
April 2021
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