"The Lord is my strength and my song; He has given me victory." Exodus 15:2
Today is the day after Mother's Day and I could not wait to get to this post! Yesterday was such a bumbling day that I did not find the time, but is that not a good thing?! The last three Mother's Days were a little tough for me. Particularly last year's. I had woken up with sadness as it was just another day for me. I went to church, choked back the tears as we celebrated all the other moms, and came home to muddle through whatever plans of our own we had. Looking back on my wallowing ways I know the pain I felt was real, it was raw, tender to the touch. I longed so much to be called "Mom". However, I also see where I had been bogged down thinking about myself and not opening my eyes to the struggles of others or giving honor where it was due. To be a mom is an HONORABLE thing... I recently wrote my own mom for Mother's Day: "Everything I am- you helped me to be." And these words cannot possibly begin to complete the circumference to the idea of which they portray. The bible tells us to count it all joy when we face trials and tribulations, but in the midst of these times it can be rather hard. Can I tell you a secret? ... I still struggle with this when things come my way. But the truth is, God is not telling us to rejoice in the bad happenings of this world but to rejoice in Him. Like Exodus 15:2 says He is our strength, our VICTORY, our song. Let Him be your song. Just a few months ago, I let God be the tune to carry my notes. I realized I was created with purpose, I was created for such a time as this, and despite my days wasted wallowing in self pity I realized God DOES NOT waste. I can count it all joy because the One who gives me strength and victory also is my song. Yesterday morning was Mother's Day and I woke up with a song in my heart. I decided to let God be my song. I feel like I am having a hard time expressing this in words; there it is again-- that inexpressible joy. It is beyond what I imagined. Yesterday morning was Mother's Day and despite all the failed pregnancy tests of years past and the time spent waiting... I woke up ok. I woke up to new mercies because it IS another day and I am blessed to live it. Our situation has not really changed in the way of an empty womb to a full womb-- nevertheless, my heart has changed from silent sufferings to that of a song bursting forth. I have strength, victory, and God as my tune. My heart is dancing to a new beat. And really- my God has blessed with twelve wonderful Haitians we get to call our own for awhile. We are over the moon excited to love on these kiddos and show them there WILL NEVER be a day they are not LOVED. We will get to teach them despite whatever sufferings life throws at us we can walk forward with God as our strength. We will Abide in Love because we Abide in Him. As Oswald Chambers once said, "Faith never knows where it is being led, but it loves and knows the One who is leading." I pray for you, whoever you are reading these words, that you love and know the One who is writing the words to your song and orchestrating the notes on the page. I pray your heart can find peace, comfort, and strength for whatever you are enduring at this moment, in the One who sings over you (Zeph. 3:17). Let Him be your song. He will carry the tune. As always friends- Abide in Love and Abide in the One who is your song.
1 Comment
|Thoughts| Went for a walk through my backyard and was just blown away by God's goodness. This has been my home for 2 1/2 years. We had so many different plans for it, so many things to change and do. And though we did some, we barely skimmed the surface. Our 3 bedrooms, 2 baths were supposed to house our family, more specifically our kids. God had different plans though, instead He brought me a wonderful friend to be like a sister to me. He has filled the seemingly empty void in my heart in so many ways. He filled those empty bedrooms with her friendship and He fulfilled my hopes and dreams of being a mom in a whole different way than I imagined. He filled this house with JOY and He did so abundantly. He strengthened my marriage, my faith, my relationship with Him as my Daddy, here at this house. I can't tell you how many times I walked the backyard trails for a breath of fresh air and came back refreshed by His presence. From kayaking in the lake to walking with my first furbaby and my handsome hubby around the 8 acres in the back: I am one blessed woman. Sure, some things don't turn out the way we plan but I couldn't be more thankful that God's plans are not mine-- that they are higher than mine. I sure am going to miss this view but I am ready for what's next. The place where God has called me "where my trust is without borders". Ha- I sang that song for years and couldn't fathom what that looked like, now I know. It looks like the heart God has given me for the orphans awaiting our arrival in Haiti. It looks like the sweet face of five year old Mary... needing someone to love her unconditionally and teach her there will never be a day she is not loved. It looks like us getting to teach these kids that God says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love..." Jeremiah 31:3. After all this is just a house, but home will be wherever He leads. Please consider partnering with us through prayer and financial means while we move forward on the path God is leading. Don't let your humble abode be in material houses; instead make it in the eternal blessings the Lord promises. Abide in Him friends, Abide in Love. Time is flying by as we prepare to leave for Haiti. It really is going so fast... Just an update on what we have raised thus far: We have managed to raise $4,000 total toward our Haiti fund from sponsors and from a weekend of selling a few of our belongings. The first $5,000 we raise will go to renting our home for the next year. We are excited to let you all know we have had SO MANY MEETINGS! We have had budgeting meetings, fundraiser planning meetings, safety meetings, and sponsorship meetings. This is on top of our already full time jobs and getting our house ready to sell (we have more projects than we realized!!!) So if I take a minute to just be real (because we all need to hear truth every now and again, am I right?) this all might sound like it is overwhelming... well that is because IT IS!! ;) So God is really working with me (Kristen) right now on trusting Him. He has me digging deep in His word researching, what else, JOY. I had a hard time accepting this- that God could possibly want to teach me about JOY at a time like this! For instance- doesn't He want me to learn about something else, something more important like trust, grace, missions, or anything else?! The thing is, choosing to be JOYFUL is a form of trust. God tells us in James 1:2 "Count it all JOY when trials and tribulations come your way". When I am JOY-filled I am able to operate in the gift of grace all the more and go into the world and love His people (whether it be at home, at work, or in the mission field.) This is simply because my JOY comes from the Lord. I have many days where I am exhausted and a little overwhelmed but I have a choice to make: choose JOY or choose panic. "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me great JOY." Psalm 94:19 Even though things are a little chaotic around me, I am choosing to rest in His JOY. Nehemiah 8:10 tells me "...the JOY of the Lord is my strength." God is JOYFUL with us- we can draw from that and have strength. He is made perfect in my weakness and I take solace in Him. God cares so much about JOY that in a time of my life when I am preparing for ministry He has set aside time for me to learn about what this means. JOY is such a crucial part of being a believer. It is what attracts the world to Jesus. I should not be JOYFUL right now, I should be stressed and overburdened. I should not be JOY-filled because my situation is more than I can handle-- but God is giving me His JOY as my strength. He cares that I am setting aside time to enJOY the process. I know it is beyond busy now but I can imagine in a couple months we will look back and be blown away by God's hand on this journey. And when I am not sure about how God is going to pull us through this time... in those small, quiet moments where the chaos takes over... Alex reminds me of why God called us to Haiti in the first place. To be parents to 12 of the most wonderful kids we could have ever imagined. God reminds me, "You love me though you have never seen me. Though you do not see me you trust me; and even now you are happy with a glorious, inexpressible JOY." 1 Peter 1:8. And I am... I cannot explain to you how much JOY is in my heart when I think about loving the 12 Haitian children God is entrusting to us as we manage an orphanage. So I will count it all JOY in this process. All of it is worth it to get to hold this little guy again (and the rest of our kids!) God tells us that if our faith is even the size of a mustard seed (1 to 2 millimeters!!) that we can move mountains.
A lot of times this is hard to imagine- the power of faith. The eminent influence "Faith" can have on the physical happenings of this world around us. God tells us it only has to be the size of a mustard seed, that's all. So many times in my life I have doubted. From God's goodness, His plans, to answered prayers, or even myself. Doubt is such an ugly thing. It sneaks in and taints the soil where we need to plant those mustard seeds. Doubt is toxic to our wellbeing, dangerous to our fruitfulness, and poisonous to our faith. I doubted I would ever have children. I doubted Alex would ever be able to be a dad. I doubted that God cared about the desires of my heart- but He himself put them there. Today I was telling Alex, quite frantic, how we need to raise this money and I needed to make a plan. I began to stress over the financial support we must receive in order to go and all the things that have to come together in order for this adventure to work. I pushed God aside and let fear have its ugly way. A little doubt here, a little stress there- doubt fueled the chaos. However, God has me studying Faith this month. He has equipped my heart with His word and He reminded me about mustard seeds, about asking for wisdom, and trusting Him. "What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for will happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see." Hebrews 11:1 "For we live by faith and not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7 Today during my anxiety- I was reminded where my faith needs to be. Alex grabbed the mail and of course... we received our first donation today! God probably giggled I'm sure. A very generous person donated $1,000 which in turn will help us to secure the house we are looking to rent for the next year. God showed me He is the source of my faith and I need to be purposeful and not wavering in Him. Friends- wherever you need faith today, plant those mustard seeds and ask God to get rid of the weed known as doubt! We are so thankful for any amount of support people are willing to give. Please consider partnering with us in prayer and financially as we move forward to bring love to orphans in Haiti. Abide in Love. Abide in Him. So you might find yourself thinking.... "How in the world did the Bradshaw's come to this place in their lives?!"
Honestly, I can tell you its not as hard as you think. We experienced the worst year of our life last year. We were so fed up with life continuously giving us "lemons" and everybody trying to tell us how they make THEIR lemonade. It was just too cliche. The heartache we experienced from wanting to be a mom and a dad had become unbearable. Accepting that I was almost four years barren was devastating, but it was fact. I was hopeless. I believed so many lies about myself, our struggle, and more importantly the goodness of our God. I often felt unequipped to live the life I had been given because I felt unworthy of being trusted with a baby. I had put not only my identity in being a mommy, but I had put my hope there too. The bible has much to say about hope. The beginning of this year the Lord told me to "Get up". It was a stern, yet loving, redirection of my behavior and thought patterns. God had no intention of letting me continue to sulk and pout in that state of despair. Often times I refer my preschoolers to the phrase, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit..." God was reminding me He has plans and ways that are not mine; His, in fact, are higher. God orchestrated the bible study I am now doing where I spend time each month focusing on one word. Of course this started January 1st and my first word was HOPE. God had a lot to teach me and is relentlessly pursuing my hope and my dreams. One of the key verses God used to teach me about hope was this: "Hope deferred makes the heart sick but when dreams come true there is life and joy." Proverbs 13:12. I was literally heartsick- a condition in which hopelessness has full control of every aspect of your life. God also reminded me time and time again through my study that my hope must be in Him. He is never fading, He is full of abiding love, and He is the constant one. Every circumstance and person will wither so when scripture also tells us "hope is the anchor to our soul" we must be diligent to only have our anchor firmly grounded in God. For me, I had my hope in becoming a parent and when God was trying to get me to move forward in His plans, I became stuck and my hope died. I was anchored to a dead dream. But God is in the restoration business. He didn't leave me behind, rather, He came back for me and revived my dream in a whole new way. He has blessed us with EXCEEDINGLY AND ABUNDANTLY MORE THAN WE DARE TO ASK, THINK, OR IMAGINE (Ephesians 3:20). We went from never being able to imagine being a mom or a dad to having twelve kids of our own. God had left His fingerprints all over this situation and is firmly establishing the roots we need. When we arrive in Haiti we will be reunited with children ages four to eighteen, all who have a need that only Love can fulfill. When we arrive in Haiti we get to Abide in Love and in turn get to be Love to twelve children who have needed us this whole time. God is good my friends. God has plans for you. Wherever you're at in this life, put your hope in Him. Be anchored in Him. Abide in Him, Abide in Love. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 |
Details
AuthorKristen & Alex Bradshaw Archives
April 2021
Stories:
|